Dr WiFine: She Has a Backup Man and I Know It—Should I Compete or Leave?

Dear Dr. WiFine 💔
“She Has a Backup Man and I Know It—Should I Compete or Leave?”

I’m calling him "Mike"  — the smooth, confident lawyer with a smile that melts any room. She calls him her “friend,” but I know the truth.

Then there’s me, "Daren" — the guy she laughs with, the one she says she cares about. But lately, I feel like I’m just a chapter, while Mike is the whole book.

They roll in the same circles. Mike texts her nonstop, shows up at her favorite cafe when I’m not around, and somehow always knows what she’s up to. She’s a rising reporter, sharp and ambitious, and they’ve got that easy chemistry I’m starting to envy.

Every time I try to bring it up, she tells me I’m overthinking, says Mike is just a friend. But the way she smiles when she talks about him, the late-night texts he sends—man, it’s like I’m watching from the sidelines.

So here I am, stuck with this question burning in my chest:
Do I step up and compete with Mike, or do I walk away before I become just another backup plan?

Dr. WiFine says:
Daren, listen close. This ain’t about jealousy—it’s about respect. When a backup man like Mike is in the picture, you’re already behind before the game starts.

Love doesn’t have to be a contest, and you shouldn’t have to fight for your place in her life. Real love means clarity, boundaries, and mutual respect.

If Mike texts her all day, shows up uninvited, and she lets it happen without making it clear where she stands, that’s a red flag bigger than the city skyline. You deserve to be the first and only, not the “maybe” or the backup.

Have that honest conversation. Ask her where you really fit in. If she can’t answer straight or brushes it off, that’s your sign to step back and protect your peace.

Because being the backup option isn’t love—it’s a trap. You deserve to be the main story, Daren.

Remember:
The real power is choosing yourself first.
Walk away proud, knowing you didn’t settle for less.

— Dr. WiFine